I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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