It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
