You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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