A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
