At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
