Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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