did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
