Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
