fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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