Define "chronic" masturbator.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
