I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just gargled with NyQuil
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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