My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
