she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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