He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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