He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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