SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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