Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
