the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
