My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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