OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
