Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so let's talk penis.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
