the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I deserve this hangover.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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