i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
