Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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