I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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