I'm laying in your front yard are you home
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
