I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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