I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
