In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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