Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
