This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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