I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
