Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Randomize
