Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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