Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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