My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Oh god it's open bar.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize