If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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