Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
