He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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