i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
