She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
