yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
