I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
