i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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