Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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