she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
