Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
