i already hear my dad disowning me
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
