she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize
