just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
